Reflections Of A Friend
by Erin11
Summary: When Hawkeye discovers his best friend has been killed, he pours out his heart in a letter to his Dad


REFLECTIONS OF A FRIEND BY ERIN RATED: G  
  
Synopsis: Hawkeye gets word from America that his best friend Trapper had died. This short story deals with an emotional look back by Hawkeye on their friendship in a letter to his Dad.  
  
Hawkeye sat staring across at the empty bunk that was alongside his own. For almost two years Captain 'Trapper' John McIntyre had occupied the now vacant bed. He had been Hawkeye's co-pilot. His comrade in arms that kept his semi-sane through what could only be described as hell on earth. Since Trapper's discharge paper's had come through three months ago, Hawkeye had been alone. The new doctor who had replaced Trapper, Captain B.J Hunnicut was reliable, honest and fun. But it wasn't the same.  
  
A salty tear ran down his face as he re-read his mail from that morning. Still the words on the page made no sense to him whatsoever, Trapper dead. No that couldn't be true. After all he had survived Korea, once you have lived through a war you can live through anything - right? Apparently in Trapper's case this was not so.  
  
Louise, Trapper's wife, had written to tell Hawkeye. She knew how close they had been and how Trapper had been making plans to see Hawkeye as soon as he made it back to the U.S. The letter had simply read that Trapper had been out with his friends one night and some guys had started a fight in the bar they were in. Trapper, being Trapper, had tried to stop break it up and one of the guys had stabbed him. He died before the ambulance even reached him.  
  
The anger was surging through Hawkeye's veins. 'How could he had got involved in something that didn't concern him,' he thought. Then he smiled, stupid question, if Trapper ever saw anyone in trouble he would be the first on call to help. The old doctor's code of saving lives was carved on their brains. Hawkeye believed that if he had been there he too would have done exactly the same thing. Still that kind of thinking wasn't going to bring Trapper back, was it?  
  
Hawkeye hadn't told the rest of the staff at the 4077th. Three straight days of meatball surgery and the casualties had finally subsided. All personnel had either taken a few days R&R or were sleeping in their tents for a week to catch up on lost rest. He wasn't going to let them know now, he needed time himself. However Hawkeye was not the type of person to be able to keep his emotions hidden. Fortunately, Frank had gone to a conference in Seoul and wouldn't be back for two days. The Swamp was quiet, too quiet for Hawkeye's liking but quiet enough for shed his tears for his loss in privacy.  
  
He stood up and poured himself a large martini. The still was only one of reminders he had of his and Trapper's antics at the compound. So many memories that he only had to close his eyes and he could hear his fellow bunkie asking him for a morning beverage.  
  
Hawkeye needed to talk to someone, someone he could trust and someone who wasn't so attached to the place that would give him bad advice. Hawkeye sat in his favourite chair and sipped his martini. Taking a pad of fresh white paper and a pen, he began to write:  
  
Dear Dad,  
  
Apologies for not writing sooner but the war has been non-stop over here for the past week. My only positive thought at this time is the fact that my sentence will soon be up and I can come home. So far the only notice I have received is that the wounded keep coming.  
  
To tell you the truth Dad, there was a reason for me writing. I have received word from his wife that my dear friend Trapper has been killed whilst trying to break-up a bar fight. I recall that I wrote and told you of Trapper's departure. If I didn't I will refresh yours and my memory with the details that follow:  
  
It was usual day here, causalities coming in to the O.R, more than we could handle. We had even got another doctor from one of the units to assist. Anyway after several days of this we finally got chance to kick back and relax. The only way we knew how:  
  
"C'mon Trap, we best get over to the mess tent," said Hawkeye. They had planned a fancy dress party for the whole compound as kind of a celebration for the work they had put in over the last seventy-two hours.  
  
"Ok, ok I'm just adding the finishing touches," came the reply.  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye were determined that they were going to win the prize for best costume - a three day pass to Tokyo for two. Their costumes, whilst not being that unusual, were certainly going to raise some eyes around the campus.  
  
As they were heading over to the Mess tent, Radar hurried across to meet them. He took one look at their costumes and burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.  
  
"Sirs," he began trying to stifle his laughter. "You're Major Burns and Major Houlihan aren't you?"  
  
Trapper adjusted his blonde wig and nodded smiling. "You like it Radar?"  
  
"I have something here I think you will like more," answered Radar.  
  
He handed Trapper the notice that had come to the office earlier that day. Trapper read it through and then again, letting out a almighty cheer that echoed across the compound.  
  
"Trap, was is it?" enquired Hawkeye.  
  
"I'm going home, Hawkeye. I'm discharged, their letting me go home."  
  
Hawkeye grabbed his friend in a hug and cheered along with him. He didn't feel jealous, he didn't feel sad. He was just content to see the sheer joy spreading across his friend's face.  
  
You should have seen him that night, Dad, nothing could spoil this for him. He was going home to his kids, to his wife and his old life again. I wished I could be saying the same but that didn't matter, you see Trapper was so determined to see his children that he would have walked all the way back to Boston to see them. How can you be jealous of someone else's happiness when you know how much they wanted it.  
  
When it came for him to leave, I wish I said more. They say that heincite is a wonderful thing but in my case, had I known this would be the last time that I would see him, I guess I would have been more articulate in my farewell.  
  
"You all packed?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess. There isn't really much I wanna take from this dump anyway."  
  
Trapper sat down on his bed and looked at his bunkie. After saying goodbye to his family to come to Korea, this was going to be the hardest goodbye he was ever gonna have to make.  
  
"You know something Hawk?" he began.  
  
"What?" Hawkeye replied, the tears forming in his eyes.  
  
"I wish you were coming with me."  
  
"I don't think your wife would approve," said Hawkeye smiling.  
  
"I never had a brother, you know someone to share stuff with. Someone to play around and chase girls. You are the closest thing I have to that and I wouldn't want that to change, even when we get home."  
  
"I know, you too. You made live easier here, almost made me enjoy it sometimes. You're the best friend anyone could have Trap."  
  
"Thanks buddy," he replied standing up and giving him a hug.  
  
I know he knew how much he meant to me, I just wish that I had been able to say more than I did. Trapper wasn't just a friend, he was like a brother. You would have liked him Dad, he had the same sense of humour as you and he could tolerate me, something only a handle of people can do.  
  
I don't know what am I doing here now. I used to think that there was a reason I was sent, maybe to help or maybe to prove something to myself - who knows? With Trapper gone, I feel part of me is gone too. I know that he left almost three months ago but knowing that he has gone forever makes everything so final. The work we do over here so trivial, I mean he went home and then got killed. Why did he deserve to die like that? I often think that if I was to die here, people would remember me. I'd be that brave doctor who lay down his life to save others, but would I really. After all Trapper had done the same, he'd tried to stop a human life being ended and look where he got him. I know I am not making much sense, three straight days of surgery and no sleep can do that to a person, but I have to know why we do these things. What is wrong with a safe uncomplicated life?  
  
Anyway I have to tell you a couple things about Trapper to make you understand what a great guy he was. He knew about people, he was easy to talk to and helpful at all times. The locals round here always turned to him and everyone on the compound knew he would help them if they were in trouble. Take this one time that Radar was having a problem with his animals. Did I ever tell you about our office clerk Radar O'Reilly, I'm sure I did. Well Radar has taken on a small practice of his own in animal care. He must have rescued about twenty or so stray animals from around the compound. One day he was concerned about his pet skunk.  
  
"Um..Trapper are you busy?" asked Radar, as he stood at the door to the Swamp.  
  
"No Radar, come on in?"  
  
"I need to ask you a favour, you see it's one of my animals, he's sick. Well at least I think he's sick. I am not really sure."  
  
Trapper smiled at the concern on the young Corporal's face. He knew how much Radar cared for the pets he had acquired and even though Frank was always trying to have them taken away, even Henry knew he could never do that to Radar.  
  
"Ok Radar, take me too him."  
  
Trapper followed Radar round to the side of the Mess tent where the cages were stacked up. Radar took the skunk for his cage and handed him to Trapper.  
  
"He's been off his food and sleeping a lot. I don't know what is wrong." Radar was close to tears so much so that Trapper hoped that whatever was wrong with the animal wasn't life threatening.  
  
"Well I am not sure what I can do, I've never given a check up to a skunk before."  
  
He felt the animal's stomach, the abdomen felt a little swollen. Fortunately as far as Trapper could see it was just a case of food poisoning.  
  
"Radar, has he eaten anything unusual lately. I have a feeling that your little pal here, has a touch of food poisoning. I could be wrong, but he will need plenty of water to drink and don't feed him for a least twenty four hours."  
  
"You think, I guess he could have eaten something off the desk yesterday. I had him in the office with me, he gets really lonely sometimes. Hey, I've just remembered my eraser went missing, could that be it?"  
  
"Could well be Radar. Here put him back in his cage and keep an eye on him. If he gets any worse come find me."  
  
"Thanks Trap," smiled Radar.  
  
You see what I mean Dad, Trapper was one in a million. You don't meet many guys like him. I'm sorry that I am pouring this all out in a letter to you, I wish I could be telling you in person. If only this stinking war would end then I could get on with living again.  
  
I guess these are the cards that I have been dealt, although sometimes I feel that I am playing with a trick pack. All the killing, all the violence that goes on over here, makes me realise that every time we are shelled, every bomb that almost hits us, could be it. It could all be over and when I open my eyes and see that I am alive, I am almost saddened that I am still here. That is an awful confession but the longer I stay here, the more miserable I become. You must understand Dad why I am going to miss him so much. He always found something positive in our reason for being out here. Me, I needed him to make me laugh. He pulled me through the bad times and made me enjoy the good. I'll always be grateful to him for saving my life. I never told that Dad but you came very close to receiving a permanent discharge letter from the U.N.  
  
It happened about four months ago. Henry had been informed that we were needed to help at the front. An aid station had been completely destroyed and several doctors and core man injured. They were sending in replacements but the wounded who were already there had to come back to our unit and there wasn't much time.  
  
"Can' t you drive any faster Radar?" shouted Hawkeye as they drove down the uneven road to where the aid station had once been.  
  
"Sorry, Sir. I'm afraid to go to fast, these potholes in the road could tip us over."  
  
"Go easy on the kid, Hawk. We'll get to them," reassured Trapper.  
  
Hawkeye wasn't convinced. He knew that they were heading into enemy territory and there next few hours were critical, for them and for the wounded. They drove another hundred yards and were confronted with the devastation before them.  
  
"My God," said Hotlips, who had come along to assist the doctors with two other nurses.  
  
The station had completely gone, all that remained was the bodies and causalities that lay strewn around the shell of where the building had once stood.  
  
"Come on, we've got to help them," said Hawkeye stepping towards the door.  
  
"Wait," called Trapper. "There maybe snipers out there. We have to wait."  
  
But Hawkeye wasn't listening. He pushed the door open and walked across to the first body he could see that was still moving. As he knelt down beside the boy, gunfire ricochet around his ears. Hawkeye dropped to the floor, not moving.  
  
Margaret screamed on the bus and Trapper quickly jumped out of the bus followed reluctantly by Frank.  
  
"Hawk," whispered Trapper rolling him over to inspect where the bullet hit.  
  
"Is he alive?" asked Frank.  
  
"Yes, take a look at the bodies and see if anyone is still alive. Get the nurses to help and watch out for snipers."  
  
The rest of staff on board quickly responded to their task. Each man and woman knew what they had to do and soon they had all the injured back on the bus. Trapper had stayed with Hawkeye, he had been hit in the chest and would certainly not survive the journey back to base, he had to operate now.  
  
"Help me here Frank, lift him up on this table."  
  
Frank didn't argue and they managed to salvage an operating area out of the rubble. Trapper worked fast to remove the bullet and stitch his friend up. It would be enough until they got back to the 4077th. He got him stable again and they lifted him onto the bus and headed back.  
  
You see Dad, my hero! I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner but thanks to Trapper's work I wasn't hurt enough to come home and within a couple of weeks I was strong enough to work again. He saved my life that day, I only wish that I had been able to return the favour.  
  
"Attention, all personnel. Incoming wounded on both upper and lower pads. Please report to O.R immediately."  
  
Well I have to go they are playing my song. I am going to have to tell the rest of them sometime, they have a right to know. I just wish I knew how I was going to break it to them.  
  
I hope to see you soon, but I guess only President Truman will know when that is.  
  
Love to you all. Hawkeye.  
  
Hawkeye brushed the tears from his eyes and placed the letter in the envelope. He felt he had been able to pour all his grieve into one letter, now he must do his job. He couldn't bring Trapper back but there were some kids in O.R waiting for him to save them. He knew what he had to do now, he picked up the letter and walked across the compound to the O.R.  
  
THE END 


End file.
